It's Just a Story, Keep Telling Yourself

So Anna prompted me to writing.  Let's talk about adoption and television.

Once Upon A Time for those who haven't seen it, is the story of how all the fairy tale characters have been put into modern times by a curse from the Evil Queen.  Most of them don't remember how they came to Storyville. There are flash backs of life in the fairy tale kingdom to explain character development and plot points to the viewer, but for the most part the characters are ignorant. The true exception is the Evil Queen. She is the town Mayor and controls all. She's also an adoptive mother.

The key to returning to the fairytale world is held with Emma Swann, the child of Snow White and Prince Charming. She was spirited out of fairy tale world right before the curse struck. She's now an adult and a birth mother. Her son, who is now 10 years old, was adopted by (you guessed it) the Evil Queen/Mayor.

The kid is a kind of guide for Emma saving everyone and getting them back to fairy tale land.  It's a classic story of good versus evil. Of course, since it's now everything isn't as black and white as you read as a kid. The queen has the occasional streak of humanity, the princess makes the wrong decision here and there.

Modern adoption becomes a major plot point. Henry (the kid) actually searches for and finds his birth mom, Emma. Now he wants to know her to save the kingdom, but he still finds her. She's reluctant at first, stumbles, but then comes into her own with her motherhood. She keeps trying to respect the boundaries of the Mayor, who is Henry's adoptive mother. The problem is that many times these boundaries are not for Henry's good, but to keep everyone from finding out about their past as a fairy tale character. So, sometimes Emma challenges the Mayor.

We usually have one show we try to watch as a family. This fall, we had chosen Once Upon A Time. I didn't realize the adoption angle until we were watching the first episode. My children who are adoptees were indignant that the adoptive mother was portrayed as evil. Why can't both the mothers be good?  I pointed out that it's a fairy tale so someone has to be the villain.

I like that the birth mother is the hero. It sometimes reinforces the whole "your own" bullshit, but I can take that. Barb talked about all the reasons she loves Emma, so read her post.

I want to talk about why it really is okay that the adoptive mother is evil. She's evil because of who she is, that's her at the core. She sacrifices whoever gets in her way, even if she loves them. She's not evil because she adopted a child. I think she actually loves Henry as much as she is capable of loving anyone. We see her sacrifice her father (also named Henry) in the first episode. She loves her father, truly, but can't seem to overcome her dark leanings. I think the same is true with her son. She would treat him no differently if she'd given birth to him. She mothers him how she would mother anyone.

I've assured my kids that adoptive parents can handle this portrayal. They see it as a reinforcement of adoption stereotypes. I think we're both right.  I think it's important enough to see a birth mother come into her own to keep watching.

We're still watching to see how it unfolds in the end.

I'll talk about Parenthood and Modern Family later this week. Or next.

Comments

[Dawn]

I'm working on setting up an adoption club (really support group) for Madison and a couple of her friends and I think the first session, when we're still getting to know each other and getting comfortable with each other, we'll talk about adoption stereotypes in the media and how we feel about them. This sounds a lot like Tangled's adoption story only she wasn't adopted; she was kidnapped. But the "real mom" talk it inspired was all adoption stuff.

[Jen Anderson]

I see your point. But since I'm coming into adoption through the foster system, I tend to focus on how harmful the show could be for a kid with new parents trying to adjust to the situation.

I'd be interested in your thoughts on Coraline, as well as the TV shows you mentioned. Once we started the process, my husband and I saw the whole "Other Mother" thing in a new light.

[Lisa V]

Jen, as far as the the portrayal of the the foster system on the show, it does show the negative side, I agree. BUT, I happen to know three different girls between 18 and 23 (met them working at a woman's shelter) who had very similar experiences to what the character Emma is supposed to have experienced in foster care. Is that ALL foster care? No, not at all, but it's not a fairy tale.

The goal of the foster system is reunification, so I had no problem with the "Hansel and Gretel" reuniting with their father rather than going into foster care.

I know some really, really fabulous foster families and read their struggles, hopes and dreams. All of them wish the children they care of and love could be reunited in a stable home. None of them want their kids in the system. I am so grateful that since they are in the system, there are wonderful foster families to help them out.

[Mara]

Finally a show where adoption isn't all rainbows and unicorns.

I've been subjected to enough shows painting adoptees as crazy, stalker, killers and our mothers as prostitutes and drug addicts.

Ahhhh....refreshing.