Today is a special day

It's Mallory's birthday (and mine). More importantly it's Mallory's 18th birthday. By most of society's legal standards she is an adult. (We got her a button to wear today that said "18- I'm an adult, show some respect". She smiled politely, put it away and gave her sister horrified looks.)

So, anyway back to my point. She is 18. Eighteen years ago today Noelle brought her into the world, and placed her in my arms and trusted me with this little human. Her own flesh and blood. Neither one of us could predict how this would turn out. This experiment in all our lives called parenting. Only Noelle and I took even more of a risk with Mallory and raised her in this thing we call open adoption. Neither of us had first hand experience with it, hell I didn't even know anyone marginally who was part of one. I had essays in books and research from a handful of studies.

More importantly we had this immediate connection with Noelle and K (Mallory's first father). We had trust. We had gut instinct. We had love. That got us over the very minor bumps we ever had in our relationship. It sustained us in both in grief and in joy that adoption brought.

We raised her making sure that she knew she was free to love all of us however suited her best, and more importantly that we ALL loved her. It hasn't always been easy for Mallory. She has suffered grief. loss and heartache because of adoption. She has also felt joy, confidence, compassion and love because of it.

We couldn't predict how it would turn out, and it has exceeded all of my dreams and hopes. So even though there are naysayers all around;those opposed to adoption, period, and those opposed to open adoption, I can tell you that it worked this time and worked well. I know it doesn't always work. I feel lucky it has for us.

OUR daughter is a beautiful, healthy, happy, smart adult and the world is lucky to have her. There are four of us who can take credit for that, and I feel so fortunate to be one of them.

Comments

[Noelle]

Happy birthday to the two Vindauga women celebrating birthdays today. At some point, the statute of limitations will run out and I will actually have to give you a birthday gift Lisa. I love you both and hope you have a wonderful day today. This has been an incredible 18 years, filled with much love and happiness to get through the sadness and the pain. Through it all, I am so happy to have been able to share these years and this beautiful girl with you. You have been so generous and supportive and this has been the most amazing journey of my life.

We are so excited to have her coming out soon. The girls are telling everyone!! To have her on Christmas day is something I never, ever imagined. Makes me wish we actually do things to celebrate the day. We will come up with something.

I love you Lisa! Happy, Happy day to you.

[jo(e)]

I've learned so much about open adoption from your blog posts.

Happy birthday to both of you!

[hmbalison]

Wow, fabulous birthday post. Congrats on 18 wonderful years as a parent. I love how you expressed thankfulness for all of Mallory's parents. I feel the same way about my kids and their birth families.

Have a great birthday.

[Cynthia]

Just Beautiful. Happy birthday to you both!!

[Dina]

Lisa and Noelle,
You make me want to cry. You have made me proud to know you both. You have shown such love for Mallory through this process and always put her needs first. You are an inspiration to all whose lives have been touched by adoption.

[KimKim]

If all adoptive mothers were like you the world would be a better place. Credit goes of course to Noelle too. Congratulations to both mothers for this milestone birthday.

[Lisa V]

Kim, that totally made me cry coming from you. I so appreciate it. I know you know the other side all too well. Truly, thank you for your very kind words.

[Rosie]

I know this is late. . . Sorry...

Mallory has grown from a baby I took on errands in my Miata to a young woman I regard as a friend/relative/friend. She's thoughtful, smart, and rebellious (which I adore and admire). But more importantly, she's compassionate and kind and gentle. I envy her awareness and relationship with of her first (birth) mother; I wish McKenzie had that kind of connection to her first family. Like Mallory, adoption has made her who she's meant to be. McKenzie is insightful, emotional, analytical, and living with pain that I will never know. Understanding that is the hardest part of being an adoptive mom.

xoxoxxo,
Rosemary