Post Birthday

We met R, Mason's first father and everything turned out fine. Ditto on the birthday party with bunches of kids.

Thanks for all the advice about the goodie bags. We ended up giving each kid a miniature playdough, a horn to toot and annoy their parents, and a bottle of bubbles. We did 30 of them and it cost me $45, bags included. We had 21 guests and had enough treat bags to share with siblings who tagged along to swim. Mason had a blast, the guests seemed to, and I came home to a quiet, calm house. Yay!

We met with R yesterday. We went over to Mason's grandmother's (R's mom) and had lunch and cake. Mason's great-grandma joined us, giving us the only opportunity of a 4 generation photo of Mason's family. After lunch, Bert and I left Mason there to play for a few hours. It gave Mason and R a chance to get acquainted and play with all Mason's new birthday loot. It went really well. I think we alleviated most of R's wariness about us. I really think he thought we would be critical, or act like he didn't deserve to see Mason because of a past mistake. When I hugged him and told him to visit more often, I sincerely meant it. I am still cautious about him, and will go into all visits with my eyes open, but I felt reassured. I think this was likely a turning point for all of us.

I'm so glad we didn't let our little bits of hesitancy lead us to a different decision. This was important and good for R, for us, and mostly for Mason. As a child of divorce I know what it feels like to be "torn" between two families. I hate that. And I will do everything in my power so that my children feel free to love all their family members without worrying about feeling guilt or judgment from another. 

We aren't saints. We sometimes get wrapped up in bullshit. But I think big picture, we somehow manage to think of what is important to our kids first. Or what may be important in the future. And I'm convinced that what will be important in the future will be shaped by their past, their history, and I want to give them every chance to explore that.

Comments

[Margie]

Beautiful. What I love about this is how utterly "normal" (don't like the word, but it's the only one that comes to mind to convey what I'm thinking) it is for Mason and your family to have this relationship with his father. Everyday, not something to be feared. Does that make any sense?

Thanks for telling us about it.

[ccw]

Sounds like a wonderful birthday! Yeah for noisy toys that go home with other kids.

I think your attitude will serve your children well throughout their lives.

[cynthia]

Sounds really nice and pretty ideal in how it worked out at grandma's house. What I like about you is how straightforward you are, and I think that serves your family really well.

[Songbird]

I love you, Lisa V.

[jo(e)]

I'm so glad it went well.

I've learned so much from reading about how you handle these things -- you're amazing.

[Libby]

You are the coolest, truly.

[Brown]

I love the last paragraph of this post. So honest, so real, and so very true.

I'm glad I found your blog :)