« Juno | Main | Post Birthday »

April 02, 2008



nice work there, psychic lady. i hope the visit happens and is a great one. re safety/ boundaries, i have no doubt at all you'll make the best decision for mace.


that would make me tense. you seem to be making sense and letting it flow.


Oh, I hope it goes well.


My fingers are crossed. It's so loaded when so much time has gone by, and he's so young. I hope it goes well for all.


I think I conjured up this post, so there! I bet you didn't know we have a psychic connection and that your post was meant for me today. Thanks for addressing some important issues.

My son's first mother and her family came to visit for Easter. My son was so sweet with her 3 kids--tying shoes, hiding Easter eggs, holding hands. We've had an ongoing relationship with her and her extended family since my son's birth. It's been a really positive experience for everyone.

With my daughter it is a different story. She has mail/letter contact with her first father, and he's been consistent and caring for the decade since the adoption. Her first mom has disappeared for the last 4 years. Both parents have had boundary issues that have made us a little nervous (and her first mom has had drug/instablity issues), but my daughter is starting to ask questions about visits (and I know she's becoming aware that we visit my son's family but not her first family). Her first father called last week for the first time in over a year asking if she'd like to see him.

I think we are inclined to plan a visit this summer. Like you, we haven't said anything because we are concerned about whether her first father will show up--and who he will bring--and if he'll say something like, "I'm your real father."

I want my daughter to have a positive experience and to not be disappointed or confused. I have no doubt her first father loves her and cares about her, but she's never met him in person. Frankly, I'm nervous about the visit--how it will go, how she will feel....But we are committed to open adoption, so my husband and I will make it happen even though we have nervous feelings.

I hope Mace's birthday goes well and that he is able to have some quality time with is first father and you all.

Whenever I feel overwhelmed by the complexities of open adoption, I always come back to the bottom line that it's about my kids and what they need and want--and what will help them grow into healthy people.


Her Grace

Very big, very big. I hope it all goes well.


Wow. You are powerful! But we knew that.


Total non-parent assvice:
Call first dad, say you're excited about this but understand he has a busy schedule and all so would he mind calling you from the road on his way to your place? You want to give mace a little advanced notice, but not so much that he gets over excited. And if he wants to take Mace away--just quietly say it's been so long that mason might be a little uncomfortable--how about with his parents this time and alone next time--?
My guess is if biodad hasn't seen him in 3 years, he won't want to take him out alone righ taway anyhow. I mean a 3 year old and a 6 year old are totally different kids, right?


oh and i'm really happy for you. you so want the best for your kids; it's great when the planets align for that to happen.--oh the planets and yor superpowers, i mean.

The comments to this entry are closed.