Vindauga

Life Lessons

I thought I would pass on some of my life lessons that I learned in my vast 44 years of experience.

1) There is a difference between Irish Coffee and Bailey's and Coffee. One of them kicks your ass and tastes bad to boot.

2)Don't highlight your hair yourself at 10 pm in your bathroom mirror the night before your 20th class reunion. Big blotches of yellow cat colored hair near your scalp don't say "I'm successful and have a great life, and I no longer fit in a locker."  Fortunately, parting my hair on the wrong side saved the day. I didn't learn this until half way through the picnic though.

3)Also don't color your hair red at home the night before a great big conference. Especially when you have highlights. Pink stripes just don't scream "take me seriously." I think I'm noticing a trend here.

4) Don't buy a chair you love in a fabric that goes with nothing else in your living room.

5) Don't buy a rug too big for your house, no matter how great the deal, because you will end up moving to find a living room  big enough for that rug. That rug that you "saved" $12000 on will cost you roughly $110K in the long run.

I know I know more then hair, furniture and liquor. I will have to keep a running post I think. Please let me know more.

Old Habits Die Hard

Today is my first official day of holiday break. It's 12:55 and I am still unshowered, undressed and a scary picture. I would post a picture, but it's pretty much the same ones I have posted before in my jammies, so just conjure up those images.

It's kind of like I have reverted back to my stay at home mom days, where everything got done before I did anything with myself.

I wrapped a bunch of presents.

Got packages and cards sent off (Yes I know it's late but last year I didn't send any. Or the year before. So I choose to look at it as I'm ahead.)

I printed out pictures for various presents.

I read the paper (gasp, I hardly ever get to do that, so I read yesterday's too).

I cut bangs.

I talked to Apple about musical goals and plans for next summer. I am really out of my league on the music thing, I play no instument, nor can I sing, but as always in Motherhood- I fake it.

I talked to Rory about a book review we are doing on Friday (come back and read!).

I cleaned the kitchen, twice.

I put away martini glasses. Last night was our staff party and we had so much fun. There is nothing like 20 women (and one man) who love each other, love their jobs and love to laugh, to create a good evening. The men (spouses) stayed in the kitchen and the women gathered around the fire to exchange gag gifts and play stupid games. Bert thought from the swells of laughter rising every two minutes that we were toasted. When I pointed out that I had only made 50 martinis for 38 people, he realized we were just loud and happy. And we were. And I got to play with the one of my co-worker's Boston terrier. My favorite dog. Our's died eight years ago December 26th. Rest in peace, sweet Dozer.

Bert and the girls are out Christmas shopping for me. I asked for cute socks, new cheap jewelry, a date with George Clooney, a new scarf, a cheese grater, a lemon zester, a convertible, world peace, cute shoes, and a news black out in regards to Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. It's a big list, but I am confident they love me and will get it all.

I'm taking a shower now.

So tell me, who is getting a holiday break and what are you going to do with it?

Observations on a Sunday morning

*Four kids are loud. Really noisy. And only three of them are awake.

*They are also messy.And clueless about picking up after themselves until forced reminded.

*Today is really the first day that I have thought, "why the hell am I posting every day?". Posting on a weekend when no one reads is bad enough, posting on Thanksgiving weekend when no one reads is pathetic.

* I now have the official definition of a "shit-load" of laundry, 12 loads. In one weekend. I think Rory took all the clothes of out her drawers and put them in the laundry, dirty or not. Ditto for Scruffy.

* Yesterday I ate 4 pickles, some brie with leftover cranberry-raspberry sauce on crackers (not much though, my family resembled vultures and it was gone in about 4 seconds), left-over pasta from Friday night;chantrelle mushrooms, squash, spinach and linguine in a sage cream sauce, one sliver of pumpkin pie and one of apple, a small bag of Swedish fish.

* We saw Babel Friday night. Well done, riveting movie. Very uncomfortable. Very sad. Not uplifting. One couple got up and left 30 minutes before the movie was over. I think the underlying message was don't leave your children unsupervised or without comfort and guidance, because really bad things will happen to them. No matter what your culture (the movie takes place in California, Morocco, Japan and Mexico).

Some observations about your weekend?

Sex and Food

I just read an interesting piece in Slate called Girth Control written by William Saletin. He maintains that the reason we overeat is the same reason we have recreational sex, it's fun.

Nature created us with a strong desire for both sex and food, because it was vital to our survival as a species. We needed procreational sex to reproduce. We needed to reproduce often because frequently our young didn't survive. But now, most of our young actually make it to adult maturity. (However, I'm still waiting for that for some of my family members who have been alive several decades.) So we don't need to have baby after baby to sustain ourselves as a society, but we are left with the lingering desire to have sex. So like smart humans, we invented birth control. All the fun, but fewer 3 a.m. feedings.

Saletin compares overeating to sex in this manner. We used to need to store up food and girth because we were in danger of going for long periods of time without either. So eating is pleasurable, we are driven to do it. But just like the advances that have made it so we don't need another offspring every couple of years, we don't need to have a gut for the winter drought. Now the closest most of us come to hunting down scarce food is looking for an elusive parking spot at Starbucks. Yet, some of us haven't escaped the biological desire to ensure our survival through a second helping.

Science is working on ways to help us deal with overeating, just like they helped us with recreational sex. There are surgeries and drugs that either work on our digestive system or limit the size of our stomach. Frankly, all these things scare me, but then I didn't like taking birth control pills either. I hate side-effects, and not one of these "solutions" doesn't come with a down side.

The two most successful weight loss attempts in my adult life both resulted in my dropping more than 50 lbs. The first I lived on 300 to 500 calories a day, and I became nearly anorexic in my obsession with what I was and wasn't eating. I was also a bitch.  During the second, weight loss was not my intent, but rather a side-effect. I got braces which often made eating awkward and painful. At the same time, an extended family member began a painful journey with alcoholism. There were custody battles, rehabs, police, accusations and lies. Good times. My stomach was in a constant uproar, so anything that managed to pass the braces, didn't stay there long.  Frankly I'd rather be fat than do either of those weight loss miracles again.

So this is what I want science to invent; a vasectomy for my stomach. Bert's vasectomy has mostly taken care of adding to our family (though we unexpectedly found ourselves adopting Scruffy afterwards). No side-effects for him, or me. I want the same thing for my waistline. All the fun, none of the consequences.

Linky Love

Only the best links, for you, my favorite readers...but especially for Pony who is on her 7th day of feeling crummy.

First, this one is really funny found via Kerflop... it's an audio post, and it's the very funny interactions with a telemarketer.

The next one is one we thought was funny, but it's not intentionally funny. Yesterday while Apple was whipping cream for the pies, Bert asked if there was a recipe. Apple and I laughed, and said that was like having a recipe for ice cubes. There is one.

And finally, Jib Jab's commentary seems appropriate for this, the holiest of all shopping days-Big Box Mart. There is a commercial first, then the video.

Do you have a favorite link- funny, thought provoking, touching? Feel free to add it in the comments.