Vindauga

Conversations with Lin

Mal: What's Lin watching on tv?

Me: High School Musical 7, it's about the years that are after the break-ups of the starter marriages, but before the sex change operations.

Lin: That sounds good!

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Yesterday while I worked, Lin went to the zoo with friends. Being the stellar parent I am, I forgot to leave her money. So Mallory gave her $20. It was the smallest bill she had.

When I get off work, Mal and I pick up Lin from the zoo.

Mal: Lin, I want my change.

Lin: Here it is (she fishes change out of her pocket); one dollar and four cents.

Mal: What?!

Lin: I bought you presents! Look here is a  rubber snow globe with a tiger and flashing lights!

Mal: You bought me a present with my money?

Lin: Not just you. I bought Rory and Mason one too, so they wouldn't be jealous.

Mal: I can't believe you did this.

Lin: You brought all of us presents when you came back from choir tour.

Mal: But I was in Canada. You were at the zoo. We don't need remembrances of your afternoon.

Lin: Did I mention the flashing lights? And you get this cool paper bag (the bag has the print of a tiger on it), I would love this bag!

Mal: Keep it and give me back my money then.

Me: Lin, you didn't spend $20 on these three little things.

Lin: No, I bought a sucker for me.

Me: And?

Lin: A slushie, in a special cup, that I recycled, because I'm good.

Me: You didn't keep the special cup?

Lin: Was I supposed to? I also went on two merry-go-round rides, because everyone else did.

Mal: I bet you also paid $1 to jump off the bridge because everyone else did.

What's Up with Scruffy

Mason’s beta, Fish Food, died this week. We nursed him back to health after an extended illness in December and January. He seemed fine the past few months. So this week when I saw him staying on the bottom more often, I said “I wish that fish would just give up.” And he did. I should’ve wished for lower gas prices. Mason cried initially, but we seem to have escaped any pleas for a replacement fish.

 

He learned to ride his bike yesterday. He still needs a bit more confidence before he can ride with Lance Armstrong, but he and Bert will work on it again this weekend. Nice to have one more “have to know in order to survive in the world” checked off his list. Next up multiplication tables, tying his shoes, and setting the time on a VCR.

 

He almost swore this morning and then caught himself and said “holy crumbled bleu cheese.” This will be now added to the family lexicon.

 

Mason crawled into bed this morning and told us he was an alien. I asked him what planet he was from and he answered “Mars.” This explains a lot. I thought his oddities were just because of that pesky extra chromosome men carry.

I need to bask in your wisdom

I need your advice. Before Mallory learned to drive, I talked to a couple of friends with older children who came up with some great ideas for guidelines. Today, she wants to get involved in some online social networking stuff (Facebook, My Space), so who better to solicit advice from than the internet itself?

I've already said yes. I am fully aware of all the horror stories, that's why she is 16 and a half and just getting one. I've told her no for the last three years, but I think she is old enough now to handle it with some parameters. I'm still not thrilled, but she is a good kid, smart and honest.

These are the rules so far

-settings to private

-no talking to anyone she hasn't met in real life

-no name, location, phone number

-no provocative pictures

-write only what you wouldn't be embarrassed to have your grandfather read

-I have to have access to it once in awhile, so I need all passwords.

What else? What am I missing?

I'm not just worried about internet stalkers or predators, but also protecting her future senatorial career and perhaps presidential campaign. We're preparing to leave our radical pastor and warn her about inhaling. I also am probably most concerned about the drama it seems to create in teen friendships sometimes.

P.S. I am fully aware of the irony of the blogger who breaks these rules on the internet giving them to her child. I think Alanis Morrissette could write a new chorus using me.

Stop With The Crazy Talk

That's what most of you who know us well will say. We are thinking of taking a drastic turn. We're contemplating giving up cable. I know, get a cool rag for your forehead. It's worse than you think. If we give up cable we have no TV. None. Nada. We live in the shadow of a mountain that makes it nearly impossible to get reception.

Four years ago when we moved in we had been without cable for several years. The people we bought the house from explained they never watched TV, so they hadn't bothered to get it. They said their kids were too obsessed with it. Now, we had experienced that on a smaller scale, and had gotten rid of cable. But having the regular networks seemed like a necessity. We sneered at the thought that someone couldn't just tell their kids "no TV" and have that be enough.

Yeah, guess why we are getting rid of TV? It's on all the time. We are failures and can't control our kids. One of us will say "no TV" and leave the house, then they ask the other parent.  It's way too dominant in our lives. It seems like the smart idea. We are living on one income and this will save a ton of money. Plus, we might actually, I don't know, read or talk to each other. Let's not go nuts here, but we might go outside once in awhile.

So the current plan is to get rid of it the first week in June. We'll see how it works over the summer. Maybe we'll feel differently in the fall. Bert and I are both concerned about not being able to watch the news. We're both political junkies and the thought of missing the convention and the elections bother us. Maybe we'll just have to hang out at bars.

The kid's reaction? "Stop the crazy talk!!"

We've spent a lot of the past four days with the TV off. Kind of like giving up the lunch feeding, then the nap feeding, etc. when you are weaning from nursing. Like weaning from nursing, I've noticed some positive changes- no sore nipples. Okay that was a joke. My nipples are still sore. Rim shot. (Thank you, thank you very much, I'll be here all week, try the shrimp cocktail.)

On the positive side there is a lot more reading, playing of music, working on projects and playing outside going on. On the negative side, we aren't doing any of this together. With the TV, a couple of us are gathering around to watch The Office. We all join in to watch Top Chef (I can tell you we won't go cold turkey for a week because I want to see the last episode). TV is a low key way for us to share in entertainment. Read alouds still work for the younger kids, not so much Rory and Mallory. Oh, and here is a little secret, I hate to be read to. I know put me in a petri dish. It makes me nervous and impatient. I really prefer to read to myself. Ironic that I love This American Life isn't it?

Anyway, we still have to call and see what kinds of buckets of money we'll save. I think it's likely a good experiment.

In lieu of tv, currently reading My Antonia by Willa Cather for book club.

P.S. This would mean that my summer treat of staying up late and watching Craig Ferguson wouldn't be possible, would it? Pardon me while I stifle a silent sob of horror.

Numbers Game

1) 63 - That's how much I paid to fill up my van on Saturday, $63. This is a 1996 van. I've owned it since birth. We've both seen the days that a twenty dollar bill would send its tank to bursting. Not anymore. Not again, I'm sure.

2) 3 - That's how many times Mason nearly became the victim of a sibling or a parent this weekend. His new game is "Let's see if I can piss you off." It's not a game anyone else enjoys playing. Take my word, don't buy the home edition.

Lin was on a play date Saturday. The two oldest were gone. So we took Mason and grabbed a burger at our favorite pub. Right before we picked Lin up, we warned Mason not to brag about it and cause a fight. There is the fatal parenting mistake.

Mason: "Lin, guess where I had dinner? Hell in a Hand basket!*"
Lin: "So."
Mason: "Then we had ice cream. Na Na. "
Me: "Mason, that's a lie."
Mason: "Then we went to the zoo."
Me: "Mason, you're lying."

Mason, coming out of the empty bathroom and looking me in the eye.

Mason: "I'm locking the door."
Me: "No one is in there, don't lock the door."
Mason: "I'm the locking the door."

Then he pulled it shut, looking me in the eye. While he spent thirty minutes in the uncooperative chair (thank you Kevin Henkes) the rest of us tried to get in the bathroom. The handle refuse the normal bobby pins, butter knives, meat thermometers, and screw drivers. Lin ended up crawling up through the laundry shoot and unlocking the door.

Bert: "Mason, quit throwing your cheerios at the dog."
Mason: "I'm not throwing them at the dog, I'm throwing them at Lin."

*We call it "Hell in a Hand basket" because one night Mason was questioning everything and on the way to the restaurant he asked where we were going. When I said "out to eat", it wasn't good enough. He was three and had no idea which restaurant we were going to, so I said "Hell in a Hand basket." The next time we went there, he told us (within earshot of the hostess) that "Hell in a Hand basket" was his favorite place ever.

3) 6- The number of hours I slept Friday night. Late night at an auction. Mason got up at his regular time, so we were too. I was worthless all day Saturday. Those of you who had infant in your forties, I salute you. You are made of better stock than I.

4) 1- That's how often I check my favorite Twitter accounts every day. I don't Twitter, and won't, because it's another time sucker. But it's entertaining to read these one or two line blog entries from a couple of readers.