Vindauga

Wednesday

We have seen no live bugs since Sunday. I still do the daily comb-thru twice a day. One kid virtually nit free, the other has a handful every time. Still I won't feel comfortable for another 10 days.

My laptop is dying, making posting hard, but more importantly making working at night hard. My most productive time is between 8 and  midnight with Law & Order in the background, seated cozily on the couch. Tech guy comes today.

Rory made cheerleader. Parent meeting yesterday, she has to retain a 3.5 G.P.A. (the coach is adamant that the girls be role models for the right reasons). She has games two to three times a week. And it's going to cost around $350. She is thrilled. I'm hoping she doesn't want to do it more than one year.

Head Lice Advice Please

Those of you who have dealt with the super strain of parasites (seriously, head lice can survive up to 10 hours in a freezer, humans would succumb after three hours); is it easier to remove eggs and nits from damp hair or dry hair? I can't decide.

HEAD LICE, Oh my god, not again, whining

First off, would someone please call a gov't agency and tell them I am an unfit mother and get them to take my children away? They can cure the lice while I work to get them back.

On Thursday, the whole house was clean, save Lin's room.

Friday I finished ALL the laundry. EMPTY laundry room.

I spent all Saturday doing spring yard clean-up. The girls helped. Bert had been pruning branches. Lots. And lots. It took 4 of us over an hour to pick up 90% of them. We shoveled 10 bags of wet molding leaves left from the fall. I felt a real sense of accomplishment, the yard looked so much better. Bert weeded the front yard. He and my dad started building a deck extension. My house was clean, my yard was good.

Yesterday I worked all day on a presentation that I gave last night. There were things to to tweak. New things to add. But still I came home last night and the house was clean, the yard was looked better, I'd done the presentation. Life was good. I felt productive.

Ten minutes later I discovered the head lice. The laundry room can't even be walked in. There are pillows and toys all in bags in the foyer to keep them away from human contact for 48 hours.

I spent 4 hours last night delicing (delousing?) my two daughters. I have at least that long to go today.

We've vacuumed part of the house, but haven't finished. It's going to take forever.

My head itches, despite the multiple head checks done on me. I can't believe I don't have it, but the three adults who have checked me say no.

I will spend all day today dealing with this. And I HAVE to work at some point, because I am doing yet another presentation TONIGHT.

Yesterday, I was so in control. Today...I'm ruled by a teeny tiny dictatorship of bugs.

A Pox on Your House

Or rather, ours. Maybe.

The school has had 6 cases of chicken pox, the day care that shares our building (and bathrooms) has had several cases. Normally I would not worry, my children have been immunized. However, half the kids that had it at the school had also been immunized. Sigh.

I've been checking torsos and temperatures, and this morning Mason has bumps on his back. I'm hoping it's coincidence. Maybe pimples. Maybe spider bites. Maybe they will go away if I close my eyes and wish real hard.

Damn it. This is really awful timing. The children have end of the programs (Mason's is Tuesday) at school. There is t-ball. I have jury duty next week. The junior high is supposed to go camping next week and Bert was chaperoning.

This is why I got the shots! And it won't be 5 years until August, we shouldn't have needed a booster yet.

Well, hopefully if it is chicken pox, it will be mild. He seems fine, no fever, no discomfort. Hopefully it stays that way.

We've had head lice once, shouldn't that pretty much give us lifetime immunity from any other pain in the ass diseases?

A post in which I lecture you through no fault of your own.

I should probably start a category about the things people innocently say about adoption, that no matter how innocent, are offensive.

A couple of years ago, when Mallory was a new teenager, she commonly got lectures about other people's mistakes. A kid wrecked a car while texting and driving? Mallory was threatened that we would take her license away. A movie about college binge drinking? Mallory would be warned extensively about roofies, drunk driving, wasting her college money and ending up a homeless person. Once in awhile we'd ground her just for good measure. Maybe we'd threaten to take away her phone.

So that's what I'm doing to you now, lecturing you for the the words of another.

I read a post about one those lovely phrases a day or two ago. The general gist is to suggest adoption as a means of getting pregnant. As in "Adopt; then you'll get pregnant. That's what happened to my best friend, cousin, sister's transsexual hairdresser." Yes, I know there are probably a lot of you that can raise your hand because you know of a person just like this. Maybe that person is even me.

Yes, we adopted, then I gave birth. However, these two acts are not connected in any way, shape or form. The cure for my infertility was not adoption, but surgery. I had surgery and corrected the problems with my wonky uterus and gave birth.

But still, I am one of those anecdotal cases people use to confirm their belief that there is a cause and effect between adoption and overcoming infertility. If you want to look at empirical evidence, roughly 8% of adoptive parents go on to have a biological child. About the same as those who decide to throw in the towel and not have children. Some have no clue why, others like us hear of new treatments that ultimately work.

So, hopefully I've dispelled this notion that adoption is great infertility treatment. Now think about all the ways this is offensive.

Foremost, it's really offensive to an adoptee. People who suggest this method often discount the fact that you are advising someone to raise a child just to get another one. The adopted child is the consolation prize in the hopes of winning the lottery of an actual, real-live, biological child. Or as some would say "your own." (I don't have to lecture you on "your own" do I? Mallory and Mason are every bit my own children, regardless how they entered my life.)

It once again plays into this perception that adoptees are second best. That just hurts my heart to think any child would inherently consider himself lesser just because of how he entered a family.

Think how a first mother would feel, to have the idea her child was only used as the means to an end.

And finally, that infertile person who may or may not choose to adopt at some point, really doesn't need this kind of encouragement. You are implying that they have control of their infertility. That it's their fault. They just need to "relax." I guarantee you we all started out relaxed, and we didn't end up pregnant. Have some compassion. If they tell you about their struggles, all they truly need is a little support in the form of an "I'm sorry" or "I'm thinking of you or "this is hard, how are you feeling?"

There are so many real issues to talk about in both adoption and infertility. Don't waste your time repeating myths and perpetuating stereotypes. I don't want to have to take your car keys.