Mrs. G has great post ridiculing commenting on Charla Krupp's new book about aging and appearance. This book isn't an examination of how we think about age or appearance in our culture, it's about how not to look old. Krupp buys into societal assumptions about aging. And for Krupp there is a specific reason to do this; to keep or get a job.
Right now, we have a little first hand experience with job searches and aging. I can tell you, I think it does play a factor. And that is for a man, who culturally is not held to as high of anti-aging standards as woman. Look at Paul Newman, hotter the grayer and more craggy he got. Then look at Joanne Woodward, you don't hear the same kinds of compliments. Still I think the appearance of aging is starting to effect men more than it used to. They still look distinguished with graying hair at the temples, but they better be fit everywhere else. The pot belly and receding hair line aren't recognized as the natural course of life anymore, but a moral failing.
We all know what's happened to women more and more over the last decade. Scary plastic surgery and botox are common in women in their 40's and 50's now. Movie stars commonly look artificial and every day women now have lips so plumped they look like they belong at an Angelina Jolie family reunion. While Krupp dissuades people from plastic surgery (she thinks it can be as unflattering and odd as the rest of us), she sings the joys of botox and other injectables, to which I say ick.
We were in a restaurant one day, when two heavily botoxed women came in. Their foreheads didn't move, their eyebrows looked funny and their lips looked like they were some sort of exotic tropical fish. Mallory observed, "Those big lips are like a neon sign screaming I'm over 40, I'm over 40'."
I have one friend who seems to have bowed to this pressure a time or two. To me it looks desperate. Like you are so afraid of aging that you are willing to look frightening in hopes of not looking old. The thing is, you end up looking older by looking scary.
However, I think Krupp's basic premise is right. I wish she wouldn't have been so sexist and claimed it was only about women though. As I've said, we've seen it up close and personal with Bert's current job search. I think you are unrealistic if you don't take ageism into account when looking for a job. "Past your prime" is an expression that can telegraph from your appearance to your job performance in this looks oriented culture. I don't even think most of the time we know we are doing it. It's subliminal, we're fed these perceptions so much we don't realize we internalize them and act on them.
Maybe having aging people around us reminds us of our own aging and mortality. Maybe that's why we ridicule celebrities who age or try to stop aging. It's a way to express our own anxiety and fears without having to look in the mirror. Does having young people around us make us feel younger?
I don't mind being older and saying "I've lived 44 years". It does cause me anxiety to think I might only have 30 or 40 years left. I don't like to be reminded of it. I fully believe the phrase "life is too short."
Krupp is right that there are things we do with our appearance that make us look older. We've been doing it our whole lives. Think of when you were a kid and you styled your hair a different way and some one commented that it "made you look older." Think of how happy that made you and you took it as a compliment. Remember when you were a teenager and got dressed for some big night out and your parent said you "looked sophisticated" or "like a grown-up." That made you squeal a little, right? Remember when not getting carded was something you hoped for? Now if someone cards me I tip them.
So now when Krupp says dark lipstick or outdated glasses age us, we take offense. But it's truthfully the same premise. There are things we do that alter people's perceptions.
Now is where I become unpopular. I think Krupp is right about hair.
I think short, matronly hairstyles age us. Long hair often looks younger. Again remember when you got the chic short haircut in your teens and everyone told you how sophisticated you looked. Does this mean I will always wear my hair long? Probably not. Short hair is easier, and I'm willing to take the trade off.
I think gray hair ages some of us.
I said it out loud.
I know, I just deviated from the solidarity of the gray sisterhood.
However, just like botox ages people, so do some bad dye jobs. The cure can be worse than the problem. So you really can't win here. There are women and men who look beautiful with gray hair. They usually have youthful faces and really glorious, luminous hair. I am not one of these women.
My mother's face is still gorgeous and unlined at 66. Her hair is completely white. It shines. People stop her in stores to compliment her hair. I take after my father's family. A lot of them look older than their actual age because of their gray hair. My hair has turned dirty, dark, dishwater blonde with gray. Me and the bleach are still close friends, and I predict we will be for years to come. I have been coloring my hair since I was 13. I don't think I will stop to prove I am comfortable with myself. Instead I have a big ass, it does the same thing. My jeans scream self-acceptance.
So while, I would never buy Krupp's book, I have thought about some of the things she talks about. My guess is the useful information I would take from that book would only fill a page or two. I would never go as far as Krupp advises on all sorts of things. I don't have the time, the money or the desire. I do think it plays into unrealistic youth oriented cultural expectations and reinforces stereo-types. It's messed up on a lot of levels. But I don't have the luxury of railing about it, because I think it is effecting my life. I think her argument is a reflection of how a lot of people feel, and some of her tips are worth a look or two.
But don't look too long. Or squint when you are looking, because it causes wrinkles. And if you use reading glasses, make sure it's a pair with a hip frame.
