Taste Buds

The first meal we shared with Noelle and M (our daughter's first/birth parents) was pepperoni pizza. We probably had a chocolate ice cream chaser. At that time Noelle was 8 months pregnant and assured us of the baby's health because she was bulking up on ice cream and Dorito's. We had a good laugh. No one would ever think Noelle was bulking up. You couldn't tell she was even pregnant. I had to strain to actually get a glimpse of a baby bump. She carried small. However the chips worked, because Mal was born a very healthy 7 lbs 11 oz. I'm digressing.

Most of the meals we shared with Noelle were a simple carb and some sort of cheese. Nachos with only cheese, pasta with Parmesan, cheeseburgers with no burger. A Thanksgiving meal where Noelle at the rolls and the potatoes. It was odd for me because I come from a whole line of people that most would refer to as "good eaters." No one is really picky. We all have our oddities here and there (I hate chicken, my uncle hates tomatoes, my grandmother gagged at black beans) but we generally eat most everything, and a lot of it. I shrugged my shoulders at Noelle's diet and figured she was young, and would grow out of it. Besides, she was healthy, it was her business.

I was mostly right. Over the years we would go places and Noelle ordered all sorts of new vegetarian options. She had expanded from the white and cheese. She became interested in cooking, opened new doors  and recipes to me - and even bought me a kitchen blow torch.

When Mal began eating food I assumed she would eat just like everyone in my family. I foisted a variety of foods on her and expected her to go for it with gusto. She didn't. She stuck to a few favorites; shredded cheese, bagels, strawberry yogurt. In fact for six weeks strawberry yogurt and formula made up her complete diet. I would introduce other things and she would spit them out.

My mother gave me a hard time for catering to Mal during her toddler years. I figured she was just a picky little kid and would grow out of it. I was right in a way. When she became old enough to realize that she could leave the table as soon as she cleared her plate, she ate everything. Even stuff she hated. Once in a while there was a near gagging (like trying shrimp). What she mostly resisted was meat. After awhile resistance turned to refusal. She began to proclaim herself a vegetarian. I agreed she could, but that she had to eat dairy. She saw it as a philosophical stance. But I always knew it came from a deeper place.

Just like she got her beautiful eyes and wild hair from Noelle, I suspect she also got her palate. The New York Times did a story on the link of genetics and food preferences. I think this is something adoptive parents need to notice. It's easy to proclaim this "otherness" a shortcoming. Since the beginning of time mothers have been encouraging their offspring to eat. We all want our kids to be well nourished. We are more likely to serve our children food we like. But what if genetically the kid just isn't wired to love sweet potatoes in the same way you or your spouse are ? How do you know if this is just a normal picky kid, or a lifetime preference?

For several years I've been aware that Mal being the only member of our family completely outside our gene pool can sometimes feel like a burden to her. I think this is definitely true when it comes to food.  I know Noelle's other daughters probably have more sympathetic guidance at dinner time. It's easier to understand your child's likes and dislikes when they are your own.

We make accommodations more for Mal now. When she was younger though I subscribed to the theory of "you get what you get and you don't pitch a fit." That served Mal well in some ways, I think she appreciate vegetables earlier than she would have of her own choosing. But in other ways, it must have felt critical.

I would do it differently probably now.

Comments

[Mrs. G.]

This is a beautiful post. My son, too, was a very picky eater. There was a year when, given his druthers, he would have only eaten condiments. I am happy to report that he loves cilantro and puts tobasco on his turkey sandwiches. Lovely blog.

[Round is Funny]

I love this post. I had a conversation with roo's first mom about this last summer and confirmed that a lot of his habits, at least at this point, seem to be genetically based. I love that it's one more thing we can point to when he starts to notice how different he is from either me or NSG - there's his history and an important connection.