Vindauga

Knowing My Place

Today I went with Lin and her friends and worked at the women and children's shelter. They're working every Friday, and the moms are rotating in to supervise. And yeah, there was all the for the grace of god stuff. I feel incredibly lucky to have been born in the situation in life that has made it easy for me to (mostly) make choices and be put in situations that allowed me to be a volunteer instead of a client.

But really, what amazed me was how completely comfortable I am there. More comfortable than I feel at a cocktail party. I liked serving women food, asking if kids wanted a little extra whip cream on their pie. I felt grateful to be a part of this group, standing quietly while they prayed before digging into the salad that my daughter and her 11 year-old friends made.

I have little in common with these women. I doubt I ever will have. Even in our current financial predicament. I have education, friends, family. I don't have problems with addiction. It's fairly unlikely that I will ever need the grace of a shelter.

They are kind and tolerant to put up with little girls and their moms "serving" them. I have the feeling that the kitchen workers could probably get the meals out quicker and easier themselves. The girls get to feel good about themselves because they think they are helping someone, but really that feeling is far more helpful to the girls than the homeless.

That goes double for me. These women give me a gift. They let me contemplate my own good fortune, they let me feel good about myself, when really I'm not much more than a limousine liberal, going once a week to work.

I'm grateful. I'll go back. It felt warm and welcome.

Look, I don't usually make fun of another's looks, especially in writing. But come on Project Runway judge, what's up with the weird sausage roll pinned bang?

Hmmm

One of the things I was concerned about is that if we take out student loans, and god forbid something happens to Bert, would I be responsible for the debt?

The financial aid counselor says "no". 

Don't you love being an AARP member and grad student?

Bert should watch his ass. I'm just sayin'.

Moving Forward

Bert didn't get a chance to talk to the financial aid office today. He's hoping tomorrow morning. From everything we can tell (and everything you all suggested and emailed), grad school could be doable. If the financial aid stuff looks like it will work out, he'll move forward and apply.

I'll make it my goal to figure out what's next for me. My current job is likely over in a year or so. There may be opportunities for me to move up, or maybe I will be forced to see what else is out there. Tonight I feel optimistic.

In two and a half years, we could both have jobs we like, and we could actually make as much (together) as Bert did three years ago. It will be a tricky couple of years in the meantime, but not insurmountable.

Now, one of you come fix my damn roof. 

A Plan

I think the worst part of this whole thing is the great unknown.

Bert could get a decent job, and we could go back to normal. Broke, but normal. The flip side? He doesn't get a job by next summer and we have no choice but to sell our house because we need the equity to live on, and he works some combination of less than rewarding part-time jobs. There are variables, I get a better job, here or somewhere else(yay) or I lose my job (boo). (That last variable? We're all moving south to live with Jody and Calder if that happens. It'll be a commune. After she tires of us, I'm heading up to Songbird's, then Phantom's, eventually landing at jo(e)'s. She has so damn many kids she wouldn't notice us. Though giving up bacon will suck.)

What we need is a little prediction,a shred of stability,  a plan if you will.

I think we're getting close. Bert had an interview today to get into the MSW program. It went well. There are jobs available in places he would like work, and there seems to be more of them all the time. His age doesn't seem to be a detriment to getting these jobs. They would pay enough that it would make sense to take out student loans to pay for the program. Though still he would make half of what we made three years ago. But it's the new normal and all that.

If he gets into the program (there are 3 apps for every spot), he would start in September. It would pretty much be full-time, he likely wouldn't be able to work more than 10 hours a week outside of going to school and serving internships. He would graduate in May of 2012. So the biggest hurdle we have to figure out beyond getting in the program and paying for school, becomes how are we going to live for the next 30 months?

I'm looking at raiding retirement, raiding the youngest's college fund, and figuring out what kind of financial opportunities are there for grad school. I know there are no real grants, just loans.

He has an appointment tomorrow with the financial aid office. I'm hoping there is good news. Maybe some stimulus for middle-aged men hoping to do some good in the world?

We got good news on our health insurance, we can get Cobra for 9 months for roughly $400 a month because of the stimulus. It's $400 I don't have, but it's better than $700 for nothing with private insurance.

So all of you who have gone to grad school, give me your advice. This might be the plan where we can take control of our lives and stop the bad stuff from constantly raining down.